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Choosing A Master/Mistress

Author: TorqueDom

Filed in: relationships, dominance, dating



All too often, a sub will go with a Master or Mistress after little more than the most cursory conversation. Online and in r/l, this is a recipe for disaster, both mental and physical.

* Communication. Communication between sub and Dom/me must be open, honest and without fear or retribution. How else does a Dom/me know what your limits are?

* Honesty. Be honest about yourself and your desires, fears and situation. Little lies can cause big trouble later on.

* Patience. It may take time to find the right person, but the rewards are worth the wait. Impatient subs can end up in the hospital.

* Safety. You must protect yourself. This means safe words and safe calls, among other things. Any Dom/me who says they are not necessary should be avoided at all costs. For more details, see Safety First.

* Trust. A sub must trust his or her Dom/me. This is the basis of the relationship. Without trust, there is nothing.

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Please read the text below. The genders can be changed and it is just as appropriate. Though written from a Dom's point of view, it is one of the best descriptions i have ever seen of what the Dom/sub relationship should be.

The Dominant...

Above all else he cherishes his submissive, in the knowledge that the gift she gives him is the greatest of all. He is demanding and takes full advantage of the power given to him, but knows how to share the pleasure that comes from that precious gift.

He is in control of himself first and foremost, so that he may control others. As a stern and demanding Dominant, he can cause his sub to cry real tears. As the consummate lover, he will then kiss the tears away, without ever stepping out of character.

In times of trouble, a Dominant will leave the roles behind, to be a supportive friend and partner, never forgetting that this is still a loving relationship between two caring individuals. He is quick to understand the differences between fantasy and reality. He would never ask a submissive to put him before her career, or family, just to satisfy his own pleasure.

To win his submissive's mind, body and soul, he knows he must first win her trust. He will show his submissive humor, kindness, and warmth. He must also show her that his guidance and tutoring is knowledgeable and deserving of her attention, that this is a man she can learn from, and trust his direction.

He is romantic enough to be protective and chivalrous. When called upon, he will fight for his ladies' honor. He proves to her that he is someone she can lean on, and depend on.

He is old-fashioned enough to be a bit of a chauvinist, yet modern enough to respect his woman. Quick to point out the differences between them, he also knows there is no inferiority in those differences.

When it comes time to teach his submissive her lessons of obedience, he is a strong and unyielding professor. He will accept no flaw, nothing less than perfection from his student. Never does he use discipline without good reason. When he does, it is always with a knowledgeable and careful hand.

He is a careful guide, with safety always his main concern. He knows how to use pain to extend the bounds of pleasure. He is a mentor who can bring her to the edges of her envelope, and gently show her the inner courage to reach new heights.

He is always open to communication and discussion, always ready to hear her wants and needs. He is patient, taking the time to learn her limits, and knowing that as her trust of him grows, so will they.

He never has to demand ritual behavior by her. She responds to him out the want of pleasing him. Compliance comes from the wanting to please, not the fear of punishment. He understands the fragile nature of mind and body, and never violates the trust given to him.

He is secure enough to laugh at himself and the absurdities of life. Courageous enough to accept assistance. Open minded enough to learn new things. Strong enough to grow. His tools are mind, body, spirit and soul with a little help from rope, paddle and blindfold. He understands that each partner gains most from pleasuring the other. And both of them know that love is the only binding that truly holds.

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