Shibari is an art, one that affects the sub (me) in more ways than one. There is the feel of the ropes surrounding your body as an extension of His hands, there is the helplessness in being bound before someone to be used at will, there is the erotic beauty of knowing you please Him as He looks at You ready for His touch, and there is the closeness of working together to create beauty.

Shibari is often used to refer only to the ropes, and the art of tying someone within those ropes. Thanks to the never-ending patience and guidance of a special Master, I have learned it goes beyond the external to the whole foundation of a relationship.

When I was first introduced to shibari, I was tied into a basic shinju and sukaranbo and teased until the slightest touch on the ropes led me to ecstasy. They added a dimension to the play, making it so I always felt wrapped in His touch. I was kept on edge, with my body constantly stimulated and wanting. I quickly learned to long for His ropes, to welcome them as they enveloped by body. I learned the freedom to be found within the restraint. I came to treasure the ability to leave my every movement open to His direction.

Next, I was taught suspension. I was so uncomfortable in this level of vulnerability in His ropes that I struggled against them instead of allowing them to envelop me. I will never forget Him laughing in my ear as I’m suspended with the ball of one foot touching the ground, fighting the ropes and my own lack of balance. He stepped up to touch me and calm me with His hands, and whispered into my ear "Why are you struggling? Where do you think you’re going? Do you honestly think you’re going to fall?"

We spoke about it afterwards. We reviewed what had happened and discussed my feelings. He also started to teach me about the ropes. Through patience and His unending honor, He taught me to trust in the ropes and to revel in the helplessness found within them. He taught me ways to help me keep my balance and to control my breathing. He showed me little things that become second nature so I no longer focus on what is happening to me and instead just let myself feel.

I have come to love His ropes, aching for the moment they’re put on and missing them when they’re removed. He says the biggest problem He has now is keeping me from dropping so deeply into subspace before He even has me bound completely. There is a freedom to be found within the ropes that I had never dreamed of. They confine while allowing me freedom to move, and they enhance my own sensuality, holding me tight and allowing me to give up everything to Him. Within His ropes, I know my every movement is His to control, that I am helpless and vulnerable to this Man.

But even more than the ropes, shibari incorporates a whole lifestyle. Shibari is consensual D/s in its truest form. I give up every right to Him, but only because He has earned my respect and trust. He does not demand anything of me, and would want nothing of me that I don’t give freely. In the time we’ve been together, He has taught me to give of myself in ways I didn’t think were possible. He demands nothing of me, but rather commands my submission through what I myself want to give Him.

The goal of shibari is not punishment, nor is it control, as many westernized D/s’ ers seem to practice. It is a mutual effort of the Dom and sub to build the best, closest relationship possible. There are no safewords used, scenes are not negotiated, and the concept of "safe, sane and consensual" is not vocalized. Instead there is an honor to be found within the Dom to respect the sub and ensure no harm comes to her in exchange for the total control she gives Him.

To many, shibari may seem extreme. Bondage and suspension can be torturous and painful. In addition, deep humiliation is often used, and the sub really is the Dom’s "object" to be used as He wishes. But this is all used to break down any false inhibitions between the sub and Dom and is never meant to be harmful. Instead, it diminishes and eventually removes any barriers between the two, forming a bond and dependence between the couple that is indescribable.

Shibari brings with it an innate respect for your partner, a desire to please, a closeness and bond I have not witnessed elsewhere. Admittedly, my experience is based on one Master, the Man who owns my soul. I don’t know if it is the same for everyone. I do know a comment I hear frequently in demos or at the local dungeon focuses on the obvious bond and unspoken communication between us.

Master and I are still in the process of learning each other and tightening this bond. His integrity ensures that this is a long-term process. Every day deepens my attachment to and respect for Him. I find myself looking for new ways to please Him, my reward a kiss from Him, or a pat on the head, or a simple "thank you". I serve Him not out of fear of His reaction if I don’t, but because I crave His reaction when I do. I constantly find myself in new situations with Him, and I can almost see the bond between us strengthen as I give more and deeper of myself. I hear the change in His voice as I give yet another portion of my soul to Him. I watch the smile on His face as I learn to hide nothing from Him. I feel His own soul react as I reach into myself to give Him back some tiny portion of what He has given me. And I feel myself continue to search for ways to please Him further.

This may not be shibari to most, but it is what shibari has become to me. I trust this Man. I entrust my body’s health to Him when suspended, the only available touch His ropes and His hands and His choice of implements. I have given Him my heart, knowing He knows of all the scars, all the spots worn weary through misuse, and feeling those scars heal as He strengthens them daily with His presence. I give Him my soul, to lead as He chooses, to take into the depths of hell if He desires, secure in the knowledge that He will walk beside me every step of the way.

Before Master entered my life and so patiently commanded my submission to Him, I never knew the joy to be found in submitting simply because this Man has so thoroughly earned my respect and trust. And because I know I reach unexpected depths by following His lead and holding nothing of myself back. I cannot imagine a truer form of submission for myself than what He is teaching me. And I give thanks every day that this Man claims me as His.. His sub, His lover, His friend and His partner.