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Feminisim & Submission

Author: Toya

Filed in: relationships, submission, feminism, feminist movement, independent woman

Writing an article on submission and feminism was a huge challenge to me. Until a few years ago I had never really come into contact with the feminist movement; for the most part the feminist movement passed me by. Not because I wasn't interested in what they were trying to achieve and indeed did achieve for women, but because I just never came into contact with it. I didn't go to university, or join women's groups. I didn't take women's studies and I didn't burn my bra. I left school at 15 and went to work. By the time I was 18 I was both married and a mother. While the feminists were busy writing their books and scholarly articles for magazines that I was not able to afford, I was busy raising a young family, holding down a part time job and keeping house.

The most positive thing for me that came out of the feminist movement was that women have been given choice. The choice to become career women, the choice to work in jobs previously restricted to males, or the choice to raise our families when we want to, not when nature decrees.

I have often been asked where feminism fits in with the way I live my life as a submissive. In the world of BDSM one thing that is reinforced over and over again is consent. There is a very fine line between BDSM and abuse, as I see it, that line is the act of consent. I can enjoy being flogged or caned and I do not see it as abuse. I seek it, I ask for it, I CHOOSE it. I am not being forced into doing something I don't want, I am not being down trodden. I am a strong independent woman who has learnt the value of choice.

I have chosen to live as a submissive; I have chosen to submit to a wonderful man whom I love very much. I am not living in an abusive situation; I am happy, strong and secure in my relationship. I do not submit to all men, just my partner. I do so secure in the knowledge that he is not going to permanently harm me in any way, anymore that I would harm him if I top him in a scene. Our relationship is based on love, trust and honesty. We share a power exchange where we both have our needs met by the other.

In my past I lived eleven years in a marriage where control was excessive and where my self esteem was battered to an all time low. Leaving the situation was difficult but I achieved it. I rebuilt my life determined to never find myself in that type of situation again. I am still just as determined. The difference between the controlling relationship of my past and my current D/s relationship is choice. I have made life choices that I am happy with, life choices that I am happy with, life choices that allow me to be whom and what I am in a safe and secure relationship. The control I seek today is nothing like the control I endured in my previous marriage.

No I don't identify as a feminist, for the most part feminism passed me by. But I have benefited from the feminist movements theories and ideals. I can make my choices without being challenged at every step. I can live my life as a submissive because I choose to, and I can be happy doing it.

Toya ©
Published on this site with permission

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