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Essay Collection

Hundreds of the most informative essays have been hand-picked for depth of knowledge and varied opinions with new and seasoned practitioners in mind. A wide range of topics are available for you to explore. Donations are always open so submit your essay to The Iron Gate for consideration!


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"My Way or the Highway" by kaela
Filed in: needs, wants, compromise, balance, expectations

As a submissive, I have needs and wants. While it may be difficult to distinguish between the two, I know what makes me tick and what makes me happy. And for me, submitting to my master[...]

Why staying "in the closet" isn't necessarily a bad thing by Phrodeaux
Filed in: family, bdsm, acceptance, approach, in the closet

The question often comes up when I'm with other BDSM-oriented friends: "What do your family and friends think?The answer, for us at least, is simple: "We've never brought it up."We're n[...]

Five Phases of Punishment by Amsterdam News Desk
Filed in: punishment, discipline, process

Punishing is serious business. And good and effectful domestic punishment should be executed with care, a sharp for ritual and most of all, carefully planned and timed to create optimal[...]

Defining the BDSM Lifestyle: The Essential Prerequisite, part 2 by Polly Peachum and Jon Jacobs
Filed in: dominance, submission, lifestyle, sm, definitions, bdsm, essentials

Jon's Speech Hi, there! Polly has said the bulk of what we want to talk about tonight, but I do have a bit to add. I want to talk some about t[...]

Defining the BDSM Lifestyle: The Essential Prerequisite by Polly Peachum and Jon Jacobs
Filed in: dominance, submission, lifestyle, sm, definitions, bdsm, essentials

The following talks were given by Jon and Polly to a diverse audience on the IRC channel #surrender_discuss on October 8, 1996. Polly and Jon were asked to speak on the subject "Defining the BDSM[...]

Submissive Needs vs. Submissive Wants by Polly Peachum
Filed in: submission, needs, wants

Polly wrote the following message on a mailing list she once belonged to, in response to another submissive's message. All information that might identify this woman or her situation has been removed.[...]

Romanticism vs. realism by Polly Peachum
Filed in: submission, needs, romanticism, realism

From SubmissiveWomenSpeak.net, a now defunct website.Polly originally wrote this article on a private mailing list to explain to the small readership, most of whom were self-identified romantics, why [...]

Violence in the Garden by Polly Peachum
Filed in: submission, feminism, feminist

From SubmissiveWomenSpeak.net, a now defunct website. After being approached by a well known Third Wave feminist author who saw some of her work in the USENET news group alt.sex.bondage, Polly Peachum[...]

The Vicissitudes of Submissive Development by Yaldah Tovah, M.D.
Filed in: submission, health and safety, temperment

From SubmissiveWomenSpeak.net, a now defunct website. In an earlier paper, I highlighted the developmental line that produces a healthy adult heterosexual submissive female (here). I highlighted the r[...]

The Fragrant Dust by Polly Peachum
Filed in: submission, service, spirituality, acceptance, humility, norms

From SubmissiveWomenSpeak.net, a now defunct website. From the author:  I wrote this article in 1988 for one issue of a short-lived print bdsm zine called "The Original Agenda." This zi[...]

A Slap in the Face by Rick's Fucktoy
Filed in: slapping, humiliation, mindset, technique, degradation, slap in the face

I don't think I could ever forget the first time I felt it. He was buried deep inside me as my thighs straddled His hips, riding Him slowly as we talked. I don't remember what we were talking about or[...]

Psychological Aspects of Consensual Rape by Rick's Fucktoy
Filed in: sex, force, tips, consensual rape, psychological aspects

"Consensual rape." Quite an oxymoron, I suppose. Rape, by definition, is sexual intercourse in which one party is unwilling and unwanting of the attention and act. A consensual act is someth[...]

Sub Drop by Toya
Filed in: submission, endorphins, crash, drop, euphoric sensations

When Master and I were still doing the long distance thing, one of the most important things I had to learn to cope with was sub drop. Master would come up for a weekend, we would have two or three da[...]

Anal Advice by angel
Filed in: anal sex, tips, advice, sex advice, anal

Here are some tips to make anal play and anal sex more enjoyable for you. Step One: Enemas... Anytime i know in advance that Master is going to want to have anal sex (like when i have my period) i giv[...]

Crash Course in Tantric Sex by Dzy
Filed in: sex, sex advice, sex practices, tantra, tantric sex

The practice of tantric sex begins with delayed gratification and really has to do with focus. Not a myopic focus on your beloved's genitals, but a really concerted effort to arouse, prolong arousal w[...]

Frugal Romance 101 by Unknown
Filed in: relationships, love, romance, tips, suggestions, frugal romance

Holidays and special anniversaries are wonderful reminders for romance. However, they are also the most predictable. A small but meaningful gesture on an "ordinary day" often has more impact[...]

Giving a Grade A Blowjob by angel
Filed in: fellatio, blowjobs, giving a blowjob, technique

Giving a hummer is an art. Everyone who has the great luck to take a cock lovingly into their mouth should know what they are doing. Here are a few tricks i use. 1) Enthusiasm. You should look at your[...]

Giving Erotic Massage by Unknown
Filed in: sex, massage, learning, erotic massage, sex tips

Relaxing Your Partner's Body Start by connecting with your partner. There may be specific ways you and your partner prefer to do this. If not, try kind words, soft gazing into each other's eyes, sync[...]

The Selective Slut by Kayla Kuffs
Filed in: sex, submissives, sexuality, slut, bdsm lifestyle

The first time I was called a slut in a BDSM context I was extremely insulted. How dare they? How rude! But I was too new to this lifestyle to do anything more than think those words. I did however, n[...]

An Intimate Look at Ritual Pain by Amanda Silvers
Filed in: training, power, pain, experience, pain handling, ritual pain, rituals

"A person can't be creative and conformist at the same time," J.A. Meyer, "Brick Wall" The night is dark when we set out, with a cool silver moon the only illumination. I am blindf[...]

Serving and Being Served, a Few Pointers by CuisineNet
Filed in: rules, service, food service, protocol, tips, serving

Serving Order At a formal restaurant or banquet, food should be presented to guests in the following order: guest of honor, female guests, male guests, hostess, host. After the guest of honor, first t[...]

10 Commandments for Newbies by LadyMary03
Filed in: newbies, rules, submissive, learning, experience, commandments

I. THOU SHALT BE RELENTLESS IN YOUR SEARCH OF KNOWLEDGE ...for there are many who are willing and eager to guide and assist you in your searchII. THOU SHALT NOT BE HAUGHTY OF MIND ...for we all are st[...]

24/7 Slavery by Rick's Fucktoy
Filed in: relationships, slavery, serving, 24/7, mindset

24/7. All day, every day. Is it possible to live any lifestyle to that degree? More to the point, is it possible to live *this* lifestyle that i've chosen for myself on a 24/7 basis?i suppose before i[...]

A submissive woman is actually a treasured jewel by Freya
Filed in: submission, love, experience

Although I do work outside of the home I still believe in the logic above. I work because Master insists I do. Not for the money, although it does help as raising children is not cheap, but for what h[...]

Confessions of a Control Whore by Rick's Fucktoy
Filed in: submission, limits, control, power, slut, miscommunication

So there isn't any miscommunication, let it be said from the beginning of this journey into the darker recesses of my mind, I'm not a pain slut. I don't get wet at the thought of being beaten. If the [...]

Feminisim & Submission by Toya
Filed in: relationships, submission, feminism, feminist movement, independent woman

Writing an article on submission and feminism was a huge challenge to me. Until a few years ago I had never really come into contact with the feminist movement; for the most part the feminist movement[...]

Fetish Wear for a Tenner or Less by Lauren
Filed in: shopping, clothing on a budget, fetishwear

So you've finally plucked up the courage to go to your first club or you're just plain broke and want something new to wear. So what do you do? Well the short answer is - "be creative!" The[...]

The Good Wife Guide by Unknown
Filed in: good wife, guide, 50's household

Be a good wife. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready for his return from work. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him a[...]

I am a Submissive Woman by Pure Devl
Filed in: submission, love, beauty, happiness, common sense

I am a submissive woman look through my eyes and see who I really am. I am strong, independent, bright,witty, beautiful and a lot like you. Can you see it? Do you understand it? Come with me and ill [...]

On Being Worthless by Rick's Fucktoy
Filed in: training, humiliation, experience, slut

it's a concept that i can understand so clearly in my head, yet i have been struggling to find the words that will explain it to someone who might read my thoughts and want to understand my perception[...]

Serve, Service, Servitude? by Ms Lyn
Filed in: submission, slavery, service, serving, approach, suggestions, servitude

What do you mean when you offer to serve? What do you mean when you offer to be of service? What do mean when you offer yourself in servitude? Do the answers to these questions bring up visions of yo[...]

So You Want To Be A Slave: The Realities by mira_hunter
Filed in: submission, slavery, learning, behavior, realities, 24/7, ritual.service

I decided to write this article because I have seen so many submissives come into the lifestyle expecting everything to be dream-like and perfect. I don't wish to ruin anyone's dreams, or turn them f[...]

Ten Tips For The Novice, Single, Heterosexual Submissive Woman by Jay Wiseman
Filed in: submission, fantasies, tips, women

Let me guess. You're a woman, you're heterosexual, and you keep having strange, disturbing, recurring, and intense fantasies of a powerful, masterful man having his way with you. Perhaps he tears off[...]

The Psychology of Slavery: Understanding Consensual Slavery by Norische
Filed in: control, power, behavior, consensual slavery, realities

Aeschylus – Destiny waits alike for the free man as well as for him enslaved by another’s might. Throughout time millions of individuals have fought and died to free their brother, friend,[...]

The Selfless Submissive by Kayla
Filed in: limits, submissive, sacrifice, selfless

This concept has sort of crawled under my skin in a few discussions i have had lately so i’m going to jump into the devil’s advocate role here. Are submissives really selfless? i say no we[...]

Power Exchange - Strong Women (in Charge/Control) Giving Power by Gev
Filed in: control, surrender, power exchange, powerful women

The topic (or dichotomy) of a Powerful Woman engaging in a power exchange, has been of great interest to me. Why would a woman, who is normally in control of their life, who is assertive, and who is s[...]

Making a Corset Pattern with Duct Tape by Robin
Filed in: corsets, corset, duct tape, crafts, sewing, pattern, corset pattern

If this is your first time doing a corset, then a pattern might be the best, however that patterns tend to fit the "average" figure. To make a rough pattern of what you are, just as a starti[...]

More Things NOT to Say to your Dominant... by blushRedTail
Filed in: humor

 - Is that the BEST You can do?    - There is no such thing as long enough or hard enough...   - i have NO limits - You wouldn't DARE do that...  - i can take whatev[...]

Need, Of A Masochist by Tonja
Filed in: submission, masochism, desire, needs, need, acceptance

This is a concept I have, only really in the 2 years, been trying to define and understand as it applies to me individually.As a masochist, newer than some, and perhaps much more inexperienced than mo[...]

Kids and BDSM by kaya
Filed in: outting, bdsm, safety, raising children, precautions

My daughter found the key and rifled through our toybox about two years ago. She was 12. This absolutely and completely traumatized her. She had enough knowledge (most likely from the internet) to kno[...]

Fisting (Vaginal that is) by chelgrrl
Filed in: how-to, fisting, safety, tips, vaginal fisting, large object insertion

I get a lot of responses when I say to people that I love to be fisted. Of course there is the Fister, the person who does the fisting and the Fistee, the one receiving the fist. Women fistees react i[...]

Fear by kaya
Filed in: dominance, submission, slavery, fear, m/s, commitment, ache

For Master. When I used to say "Oh I want someone who can push me.. who doesn't stop when I say stop.. who does what they want and aren't guided by MY reactions", I can honestly say that I n[...]

Lessons Learned by kaya
Filed in: humor, lessons, quips

As anyone who reads my journal could tell you, I am far from the "perfect" slave. I slip and fumble, make mistakes, make the same one again... and again... routinely. But, tirelessly, my Mas[...]

Thoughts on Isolation by kaya
Filed in: slavery, tpe, m/s, isolation, solitude

I live a fairly isolated lifestyle. I suppose in comparison to some people, you could say that I live an extremely isolated life. It's not unusual for me to go days on end without ever leaving the hou[...]

The Punishment Place by kaya
Filed in: punishment, slavery, discipline, forgiveness

Sometimes I get punished for not following a rule, doing something I know I'm not supposed to or vice versa. Those punishments seem perfunctory. It's an integral part of our lifestyle, this discipline[...]

Switchy Thoughts on Spiritual Domination by The Enigmatic Angel
Filed in: dominance, submission, service, switch, spiritual, spiritual domination

"To see a world in a grain of sand,And a heaven in a wild flower,Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,And eternity in an hour." ~ Willaim Blake, from Auguries of Innocence The Spiritual As[...]

Warning Signs for Submissives by RC Bauer
Filed in: submission, newbies, warning signs

Introduction            Some of the things I write about are my personal experiences.  I also write about experiences others have shared wit[...]

Shibari History by Calais
Filed in: bondage, rope, shibari, history

ShibariHistory of originMost of Japanese culture was in fact brought in from it's surrounding countries, through invasion or by trade routes, including India, Korea and China. It is not known whether [...]

Orgasm Control by gina
Filed in: orgasm control, denial, training, submissive training

My Master and i practice Orgasm Control which is also known as Release Training. It is NOT the same thing as Orgasm Denial which both my Master and i do not feel is healthy. We ha[...]

Just Getting Started : Tips for Dungeon Monitors by Jay Wiseman
Filed in: dungeon monitors, play parties, tips

For many years now, play parties have had special people fill the role of "dungeon monitors" -- or DMs for short These people are mainly there to ensure that the party rules are complied[...]

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