The Pain She Knew
Author: ChocletRN
Filed in: polyamory, growth, pain, loss, questionsStaring out that dark window
There seemed no light insight
Through all of her journey
She never had to physically fight
Things changed so quickly then
eyes opened now and there she was
The other one Daddi called slave
But now she was only Daddi’s sub
The other one walked all over her
Yet she stayed despite living in a fog
Never in her entire life
She was being treated like a dog
It was ok stated her Daddi
You are my first, you are my light
But when the sub was not around
Daddi’s slave would always be right
She asked why this new one held;
more power in Daddi’s life than she.
Daddi would falsely reassure her
don’t worry my gurl just let it be
Despite this Daddi made many plans
To move the sub closer to the other
To this she could not consent
Not only Daddi’s sub; she was a mother.
The slave tried to convince her
That they were sisters in serving then
But always behind her back
The slave knew the sub’s fate was grim
She stumbled upon their letters
Daddi telling the slave how she truly felt
Daddi secretly hated the sub
Even when in servitude she knelt
In her love for her Daddi she served
The only way that she knew how
Yes Daddi took care of the boys
and that wasn’t a problem until now
Daddi grew mean as she transformed
From sadistic into being cruel
When it all came into light
The sub now felt like the fool
Her Daddi blamed the meds she took
The sub learned to know fear everyday
Her Daddi’s changes grew unbelievably
No matter what the sub would never stray
She awoke that night with tears
It burned and with no where to escape
The tearing inside was unbearable
with Daddi’s fist she was now being raped
The hands around her neck
Told her it was time to let it go
She loved her Daddi with all heart
But the fear was starting to grow
The pain was once only internal
Yet now with external pain too
Her eyes filled with tears
she had no idea what to do
She felt Daddi’s blows on her head
And the tight feel of Daddi’s hands
Was there something deep inside?
Telling Daddi to do this to be a man
How can you say I love you?
And hurt someone with fist
Would she ever serve another?
She didn’t know if she’d ever be over this.
As they squeezed tightly around
Where once Daddi’s collar she wore
she screamed for her life
marks and bruises now are all she bore
To this moment she could feel
Daddi hands squeezing tightly her neck
Blacking out and in slowly
At that moment she was a complete wreck
Daddi trained her to be weak
Her body she grew to hate
Daddi now had the other
Daddi now complained of her weight
Daddi’s affection was now non existent
All time devoted to the slave, the other
Daddi denied the others place in their lives
She learned later they were more than lovers
In ways she never knew existed
They bonded feeling quite the stud
Imagine the pain she felt inside
Learning they were bonded also by blood
Bound closely by each others blood
A bond not even she and Daddi knew
In the end she learned there was more
The lies and deceit they only grew
Out that window she looked and stared
Knowing she was more than alone
She was beaten and defeated
The pain far worse than broken bones
The staff where she was now
would ask will you eat or sleep?
Weak and emptiness inside her
She now had only energy to weep
She had her boys to look after
Her mental health now at stake
If not for her own well being
She had to for their stake
She slowly stirred and came around
She’d be on medicine forever more
She knew that day in her heart it was
her submission she still proudly wore.
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