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Guidelines for Domestic Service

Author: Sergeant Major

Filed in: submission, training, service, protocol

At gatherings of Dominants submissive(s) are often utilized to provide domestic service. The purpose of this piece is to provide some basic guidelines for submissive (s) who are called upon or volunteer to provide such service. These are not intended to be all encompassing nor attempt to cover all situations where such service is provided, rather to provide a set of general guidelines to which specifics can be added as required by the host/hostess. The areas covered will include demeanor and presentation of self, duties and responsibilities, and some of the mechanics of service.

Demeanor and presentation of self

1. The submissive will be modest and unobtrusive at all times going about their duties in such a manner as to never call undue attention to themselves. Their purpose is providing service in such a manner as to facilitate the gathering by taking care of their designated duties quietly and as directed.

2. Dress should be appropriate to the purpose of the event. For a social or discussion type meeting attire should be modest but revealing. For a more fetish type event fetish style attire may be appropriate. The general guideline is to present oneself in a pleasing manner but not draw attention to how one is dressed. As a general rule, feet should be bare, the wear of extreme forms of footwear can prevent the server from moving quietly and taking proper service positions.

3. Movement around the room should be planned ahead and done in such a manner as to ensure that notice is not taken of them. If two persons are addressing one another the server should not walk between them, waiting until there is a break or they are acknowledged.

4. Eye contact with a Dominant is to be avoided unless the server is addressed directly. Eye contact can be construed as disrespectful or confrontational. When addressed directly eye contact will be made to demonstrate that the servers attention is focused on what the Dominant is saying and then the eyes will be lowered.

5. The voice should be quiet and well modulated. Expelling one half a breath prior to speaking will reduce the resonance of the voice and the volume. It will also prevent a hissing sound when whispering.


1. The server will coordinate with the host/hostess the time of their arrival to ensure that adequate time is allowed that they can be properly briefed. This briefing should include, what is expected of them, any specific requirements of the host/hostess, the menu and its order of service and the location of necessary equipment and supplies.

2. The server will also familiarize themselves with the physical layout of the room or rooms in which they will be serving so they can plan the best routes to use while serving. A location should be selected where the server will be when not actively engaged in serving or performing other required duties.

3. It is the responsibility of the server to do the utmost to ensure that all their questions are answered and duties are clearly understood prior to the beginning of the event in order to prevent interruptions once the it has begun.

Mechanics of Service

1. When taking orders the server will move from guest to guest taking individual orders. The server will kneel on their right knee, the left foot flat on the floor, in front of and slightly to one side of the person from whom they are taking the order (a full kneeling position is not recommended, it is difficult to rise from gracefully) with eyes lowered. This position prevents obstructing the view of the room by the guest from whom the order is being taken. When acknowledged the server will explain the options available and note the desired selection (with servers not experienced with the taking of orders written notes will aid them) then move to the next guest to take their order until all have been obtained.

2. When exiting the presence of the guests the server will move in such a way that their back is never turned to the guests. The physical layout of the room may preclude this in some instances however as nearly as possible this procedure should be followed.

3. The orders should be delivered on a tray and not handled by the server. The server will place the orders on the tray in such a manner that they can present each in its proper sequence. The server will assume the same single knee position as described above and extend the tray so that the guest can take their selection. When the tray is offered the arms should not be fully extended but rather a slight break at the elbows maintained (fully extended arms appear rigid and not graceful and in some cases can cause the tray to wobble or become unbalanced when something is removed from it). The tray should be turned so that guest’s selection is the one closest to them on the tray. When multiple selections are being offered, such as a variety of snacks, the tray should be rotated slightly after each selection has been made so that the other selections become available. If the number of guests requires the use of more than one tray all should be set up prior to the first being presented to reduce the time required for all guests to be served.

4. When not engaged in actively serving the guests the server will retire to the prearranged location and wait until the next prearranged time for service or being summoned. The host/hostess should have an arranged signal for the server to return to the room where the guests are. The location for the server to wait in should be out of earshot of the guests to prevent any sense that their conversation is being overheard.

5. While not actively engaged in serving the server should utilize this time to do some of the preparatory work for the next round of service or begin the preliminary cleanup work to shorten the time required for that following the departure of the guests.

In order to provide improved service for the next event and provide immediate feedback to the server(s) the host/hostess may allow time for the server(s) to be called into the room and receive an evaluation of their service from the guests. This should be moderated so that the event is constructive. A checklist of points evaluated will assist this procedure with a final overall grade or assessment being the final point. Servers are not servants and should be treated with the dignity and respect they deserve for their offer of service.

This material has been extracted from "A Manual for the Formal Training of a Submissive" written by Sergeant Major and is published here with his permission. You can contact him via his email:

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