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Choose Your Words Carefully I: Don't VS Stop

Author: Norische

Filed in: training, speech

Within the vanilla world there are many words that we use without consideration. Words that seem ordinary within one realm gain quite a different meaning within the realm of BDSM. Simple words that are very similar in meaning can be worlds apart in definition within the safe haven of a dungeon.

One such profound difference can be found in the words "don't" and "stop". If one wishes to look the up the definition of these two words you would find that they are very similar in nature, both have the same basic connotation, however within the BDSM realm these words take on a whole new level of complexity.

"Don't" is generally viewed as a request, while "Stop" is viewed as a command. If a Mistress states "Don't put ice cubes in my tea." That is viewed as a request to alter a behavior. However if a Mistress states "Stop putting ice cubes in my tea." That is viewed as a command, somewhere in that sentence there is the illusion of the words "or else" hidden within the words voiced in such a simplistic manner.

When you wish a specific behavior to occur you must use specific words. Never assume that an individual will know the exactly what you mean unless you define the words you choose to use, and exactly what they mean to you.

As with everything this is my opinion, take what you will and leave the rest. If you wish to contact me, my email address is If you wish to see more of my work you may find a complete listing of all my writings at…. in the files section.


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