Site Network: Submissive Guide | Submissive Journal Prompts | Dominant Guide | Kinky Blogging | My Blog |

Essay Collection

Hundreds of the most informative essays have been hand-picked for depth of knowledge and varied opinions with new and seasoned practitioners in mind. A wide range of topics are available for you to explore. Donations are always open so submit your essay to The Iron Gate for consideration!

Email to a Friend    Print Essay    Save to Computer

Is It House Broke? Protocol Within Your Own Home

Author: Norische

Filed in: training, protocol

What is protocol?

Protocol - a series of rules and behaviors that are deemed appropriate and expected for certain circumstances.

In today's BDSM society there is no set rules for protocol. Some portions of this community have a general guideline that they observe; however, even within these factions there is very little that is set in concrete.

Protocol is unique to each individual, and therefore is far more flexible than the ideal implies. There is no one specific set of protocols that fits everyone's needs and lifestyle. Some individuals follow the Gorean lifestyle, others follow Old Guard/New Guard, some follow the European, or the Geisha style, and still others follow their own unique style that they have found works for their house. No specific style is better or worse than any other, each one must be judged for their usefulness and logic.

There are many things to think about when one establishes protocol.

1. The health and physical limitations of the individuals involved.

I normally prefer to have my slave sleep on a pallet at the foot of my bed, but that is not possible with a slave that has had a total knee replacement.

2. The location, and circumstances that the protocol will be required.

While I demand proper respect, and appropriate behavior in public it is not proper to expect my slave to kneel before me so that I may try a necklace on her in Wal-Mart.

3. The visibility of the behaviors, in regards to the general public.

Some individuals demand that the slave/sub wear no underwear, and be open and available at all times. This is wonderful at a BDSM event but not sitting in the food court at the mall, where children may be present. Always remember the general public did not consent to being involved in your lifestyle, if you expect respect then you need to show respect as well.

4. The legalities of the behavior.

Some individuals require their slave/subs to be naked at all times when they were at home. This is wonderful if you live out in the middle of no-where with no neighbors and no one comes by for a visit, but to have your slave mow the yard in the nude while your 68 yr old next door neighbor watches is a little on the illegal side.

It also is not a good idea to have your slave answer the door in the nude without first checking to see who is there, the religious groupies or the pizza delivery guy may not appreciate the body of your slave as much as you do.

5. The logic of the behavior.

Some individuals keep a slave chained or caged whenever they are not present or the slave is not in use. This is not logical, nor is it safe. What if you put your slave in his cage for the evening and then went out to dinner with a friend, when you get back you find your house on fire and police and fire fighters are everywhere, you stare at your home in disbelief and then remember your slave. A little common sense goes a long way.

6. The health issues behind a behavior.

Some individuals state that the slave has no say in who uses them sexually, and there are no requirements as to the use of condoms, in today's society this is a huge health issue, you don't pass around a slave to all your buddies and hope that they have been tested clean. If a slave's health is at risk, you are at risk of losing your slave.

7. The moral or ethical issues behind a behavior.

Some individuals do not allow their slaves to say "NO", hence if the behavior is something that the slave finds to be ethically or morally questionable then the slave will begin to question the Master/Mistress's judgment. For example if a slave is informed that he or she will perform oral service for each guest that comes over for a BDSM party, and the slave/sub has moral issues with homosexuality; at this point the slave will begin to question the
judgment of the Master/Mistress, especially if they are fully aware of the feelings of the slave/sub.

8. The religious issues behind a behavior.

A slave is ordered to eat everything the Master/Mistress tells him or her to. However the slave is Jewish and is faced with a spiritual dilemma when the Master/Mistress orders them to eat pork roast.

9. Keep it simple.

Do not give a slave "the 69 rules of slavery" and expect your slave to memorize
each and every rule, and position; yes protocol is important but get real, do not set your slave up to fail. Also do not create so many rules that you can't memorize them all yourself, even if the slave/sub doesn't know all the rules you are expected to know each one by heart.

10. Do not create a rule or protocol that you do not intend to enforce.

If you are going to demand a behavior you had best be prepared to follow through with consequences when your instructions are not followed.

These are just a few examples of the magnitude of forethought that must go into a general order, or directive that is focused on protocol. I know that it seems rather a lot to consider, but in reality there has to be a lot of forethought when it comes to a required behavior. One of the biggest mistakes a Dominant can do is to create an improper rule. It shows the slave/sub that the Dominant did not take into consideration all aspects of the behavior prior to creating the rule, and it may cause the slave/sub to question the Dominant's level of

Here are a few examples of the behaviors I expect from my slaves/subs within my home

  1. Slave must wear appropriate clothing for unexpected vanilla guests, unless otherwise ordered.
  2. Slave must shower each day, use deodorant, and wash hair as often as necessary (based on my discretion).
  3. Slave must look clean and presentable at all times.
  4. Slave must shave pubic areas; females must shave below the neck (armpits, legs).
  5. Slave must wear a service collar at all times, unless taking a shower or otherwise directed.
  6. Slave may not use vulgar language, or baby words…(such as pee-pee, poo-poo, or hoo-hoo).
  7. Slave must wake up and go to bed at directed times unless ill.
  8. Slave must address all Masters/Mistresses as Sir or Ma'am, unless otherwise directed. It is best to ask prior to using a title.
  9. Slave will eat after I am served.
  10. Slave must ask to go to the bathroom.
  11. Slave must leave the door to the bathroom open unless…
    1. There are individuals present that might be offended.
    2. The slave feels that the odor will be offensive.
    3. The slave is going to be sick.
  12. Slave must sit on the commode (both male and female).
  13. Slave is not allowed to smoke.
  14. Slave is not permitted to drink alcohol, without explicit permission.
  15. Slave may not use illegal drugs of any kind.
  16. Slave must take any prescribed medications as directed and follow all advice given by a medical professional religiously.
  17. Slave must subject him or herself to any medical treatment or testing directed by me and or a medical professional.
  18. Slave must inform me of any physical or emotional problems.
  19. Slave must make sure that the house is presentable at all times.
  20. Slave must not argue with me, if there is a difference of opinion the slave may voice his or her opinion respectably.
  21. Slave must show respect at all times, both in action and verbally.
  22. Slave will always be honest, and answer any questions put before him or her as thoroughly as possible.
  23. Slave may not get on computer or play games until all assigned work is completed.
  24. Being playful is acceptable, acting like a spoiled child is not.
  25. Slave must treat all guests with respect
  26. Slave may not touch him or herself in a sexual manner without permission.
  27. Slave may not achieve orgasm without permission.
  28. Slave will notify me immediately if anyone has touched him or her in a sexual or inappropriate manner without my permission. This would include anyone that makes the slave feel uncomfortable through verbal or physical actions.
  29. Slave will always remember that he or she is a reflection of me and behave accordingly.
  30. When in doubt ask, if there is a question about instructions or if an order needs clarity the slave is expected to ask questions. The slave will never be punished for asking a question when done with respect, it is up to my discretion whether to answer or not.
  31. All orders must be carried out in a timely manner.

These are some simple examples of general protocol within my home. Each individual serving in my home may have specific rules of behavior as well. Also there are rules for specific occasions as well as rules associated with specific individuals.

Here are a few more examples protocol within the home that I am familiar with.

To be honest I find little real purpose in rules such as these, other than to be a constant reminder of who is the Dominant and who is the submissive. Protocol within the home is not to be confused with formal protocol.

What I am speaking of is a system of rules and behaviors that are expected from a slave on a daily basis, these rules must be practical and productive. Keep it simple and keep it safe. Everything else will fall into place.

As with everything this is my opinion, take what you will and leave the rest. If you wish to contact me, my email address is If you wish to see more of my work you may find a complete listing of all my writings at…. in the files section.


Related Essays

BDSM Rights

Iron Gate Banner Exchange