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Top 10 ways to be a SAM

Author: Lady K

Filed in: humor

Get up on the wrong side of the rack this morning? A little miffed after that 12 hour bondage scene yesterday? Not getting enough of the whip? Perhaps you are just feeling kinda SAMmy? These are the top ten ways to really show your dom/me how you feel:

10. For those of you with FemDommes... take out your toolbox, grab a hacksaw, and cut the heels off of her pretty, new thigh-high boots.

9. Grab the Super-Glue and glue the tips of all his nipple clamps together.

8. Practice your knot tying with his bondage ropes... make sure you leave the knots in before you slip them back in the toybox.

7. In the middle of that morning spanking, start painting your fingernails.

6. After the fingernails are done, sweetly say "Are you going to be finished soon? I can't get to my toes in this position."

5. While you are waiting for him to finish spanking, tie his shoelaces together.

4. Is he rushing to meet a deadline at work? Perfect! Call every 15 minutes with questions like "How many sugars should I put in my coffee?" and "Do you know what time and channel 'Oprah' comes on?" Make sure if his secretary or a colleague answers that you ask to speak to "Master Bill".

3. Call his wife/girlfriend/mother and say "I just tested positive for the clap. I think you should have Master Bill go to the free clinic."

2. Take out that nail polish and decorate all his toys with pink polka-dots.

And the Number 1 way to let your dom/me know you are *not* a happy little sub...The next time you go to a play party or BDSM club meeting, slap a "Kick me: I am really just a submissive in disguise!!" sign on his back!

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