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An Esoteric View: Civility and Incivility in The Scene

Author: Master Eso

Filed in: etiquette, scene

In this essay, God is mentioned and referred to in numerous instances. This might be bothersome to some of us, although it really should not be. For God is just another description, for one and the same thing, for which all of us have different words and
meanings: God, Goddess, The All, Universe, Nature, Cosmos, Life, The Force, Higher Power, etc.

I have subtitled this essay: "An Esoteric View", for much what is being said in it, is not the commonly apparent. It's wisdom often is hidden in the depths of our heart and subconscious, and often hidden from our every day consciousness. It deals more with the intuitive and spiritual aspects, then with it's rational (exoteric) aspects.

This rather lengthy essay is a direct response to "Sorry Manners: Civility and Incivility in the Scene", by Chris M (Black Rose) and Lady Medora (NOPE), and my own experiences with the BDSM community and groups, after countless hours of contemplation, conclusions, and soul searching.

At the end of this essay, are a number of Quotations, as "food for thought", that I found very much fitting to the matters at hand.

If the course of humanity, through the ages, was not able to change, avoid or limit the behavior of always only a few, then it is most unlikely, that such actions and aggressions can be avoided now.

We are talking about the slanderers, gossipers, hatemongers, the ignorant, the evil doers, the demolishers, the destroyers and those blinded by their own selfishness. Those always craving for the center of attention, ruthlessly trampling over everything and everyone, in their struggle for power, recognition and acceptance.

For good or bad, depending on our esoteric outlook on life, such individuals and happenings, have always and will always be part of humanity and the human experience.

We might appear powerless, in the avoidance of such struggles and strives of usually only the few, helpless however, we are not.

So, if this cannot be changed, for it is human, then the solution to the problems must lay within ourselves. The "Serenity Prayer" might give us some helpful hints there:

"God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things, I cannot change...
Courage to change the things I can...
and Wisdom to know the difference..."

If we decide to surround ourselves, with those, whose malicious actions and deeds we're trying to avoid, without confronting those with their own wrongdoing, in many cases making up convenient excuses and justifications, we accept their actions and deeds, and hence enabling exactly that what we're trying to stop.

It often seems so much more comforting to one's own conscious, to simply say to oneself: "I didn't do it...", "I just want to play...", "But they are my friends...", "I just want to be neutral...", "I'm staying out of this...", "I don't care about politics...", "That all has nothing to do with me...", "I didn't start that...", "Thou shalt not judge...", "I don't want any problems...", "All my friends are there...", "They didn't mean it like that...", "That's not really that bad...", "I just want to have fun...", "I don't like taking sides..." "I don't want to have to choose...", etc...etc...etc...

Some might even go as far as getting angered, and blaming the victims of the slanderers and gossipers, for erroneously believing, it is them, who makes us choose. But it is not the victims that make us choose. It is ourselves. Our conscious, our higher self, our judgment and our own hearth.

Embedded in our own excuses and justifications, we now have not become part of the solution, but part of the problem. We are now enabling those, who seek to demolish and thrive on anger, hate, negativity and conflict. We now make excuses for ourselves, and them. We now reward them for their deeds.

Sometimes we just choose to close our eyes and ears, like children pulling a blanket of their heads, hoping for the "danger" to pass us by. History shows us example after example here. Often hiding under the cover of neutrality, stubbornly refusing to recognize and learn, the lessons that our own history is teaching us.

Indifference is not neutrality. Indifference is not caring. Indifference is not loving. And if we refuse to learn from our past, we are condemned to relive it.

Unfortunately, as we have seen time after time, there are too many, all too ready to jump on the Bandwagon of hate, confirming the insight of history, that hate often is a better motivator then love. Is it really so much easier to hate, then to love ?

If actions and deeds are so repulsive, that we would not want it to happen to ourselves, to our wives or husbands, our subs, our Masters or Mistresses, then we must not tolerate, enable and hence support it, if it is done to someone else.

Let us not make a mistake here, for good or bad, once again depending on our esoteric view of life, there is good and there is evil, there is right and there is wrong. God gave us all, free will and free choice !

This does not mean, we have to hate now, quit or break friendships, or go on vindictive vendettas ourselves now, but we must not, under any circumstances, enable, support or reward, the actions of the hatemongers. We must not let them pull us down, into the depths of their negativity, on which they flourish, if we are at all, to put an end to this maliciousness, slandering, and wrong doing, at least
in the BDSM community at large.

There will always be different groups, fractions, organizations. Different opinions and views, different desires and needs, and we must all come to tolerate and accept those. To each their own !

Diversity is good. Diversity is not the problem that we face. The problem is clearly bigotry, discrimination, segregation, negativity and hate, and those who thrive upon it. The problem is intolerance. The problem is jealousy. The problem is hate.

We must learn to conduct ourselves in a way as not to do harm or injury to others. Neither physically, emotionally, nor monetary. Neither with actions, and deeds, nor with words or thoughts. Whether it is towards a loved one, an individual or a group. Whether it be within our own group, or towards other groups. "An' it harm none...!" - the old witches creed.

In the course of our lives, we will often encounter individuals with which we disagree. Individuals with which we do not get along. Individuals with different desires, values, motives and personalities. That is human nature. We all have to accept that.

And when we encounter those, who cause us the grief, those who hurt and pain us, we must examine their values and intentions. We must search for the Truth. And we in turn must re-examine our own values, and our own path. For we must never follow evil over good.

Realizing all this now, we must not fail to recognize that the actions and deeds of those, who hurt us, as an individual or as a group or society, are often dictated by their own hurt, pain and disappointments, sprung out of their own karma or destiny.

We must not follow the inferior path of condemnation, but we must instead be willing and open, to forgive those, who have trespassed against us, and violated us.

When we speak of forgiveness here, we are not referring to the forgiveness, that must be granted to all of humanity, including ourselves, at the end of our lifetime here on the material (physical) realm, when we move on to the spiritual realm, for we all have trespassed against each other and Gods laws.

The forgiveness we are speaking of here, is the earthly, brotherly forgiveness, that we must give all those, who realize their wrongdoing and redeem themselves in our eyes and those who make amendments, for we all make mistakes and leave the path of Love and Light at times.

But we must never, accept evil over good ! But then again, this is the choice that God gave us.

So then what is the answer, we might ask. There is no easy answer, is the answer ! We all must find our own answers, our own Truth.

We must follow our heart, and follow our bliss, but be true to ourselves, and be true to God's Laws. And when our path darkens, search for the Light, and follow the path of the Light, for the path of Light is the path of Love.

"Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph."
- Haile Selassie

"Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness." - James Thurber

"The appropriate use of thoughtpower, is to do no harm to any creature." - Unknown

"The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke

"Ultimately, we are karmically responsible for all thoughtforms that we create." - Unknown

"Resist the urge to reward slanderous gossip, with your attention and involvement. It's not consensual, and not safe (for it leaves you open to accusations of being a scold, and gossip). Even its sanity is questionable." - Chris M (Black Rose) and Lady Medora (NOPE)
Or, we can toss them out on their asses, and begin to demand that people in our world behave like healthy grown-ups as the cost of admission. But understand this: doing so means being willing to take the heat for being EXclusionary, judgmental and elitist. Diversity yes---Inclusivity at any price----Absolutely NOT. – Guy Baldwin

Anyone wishing to use this article on their site or mailing list may do so as long as the article remains unchanged and my name and email address remain on them. Giving credit where it belongs.

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