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One Woman's Views on Submission

Author: dark whisper

Filed in: submission

Who am I?

I have asked myself that question at least a thousand times, especially since I began to walk the path of submission. This path is not easily trod at times. It challenges one to move beyond perception, to the depth of the person inside. Who am I? I am a submissive woman. A woman who is strong, intelligent, successful, witty, a good friend, a loving mother, and one who only truly feels whole when serving the needs and desires of a Dominant Man.

Those deep, dark feelings.

What calls to me? What brings the sense of wonder and joy that is beyond anything I had ever before experienced? What settles warm one moment, and cold the next in the pit of my stomach, the depth of my soul? The need to serve. Serve� perhaps a euphemism for something else depending on one's own personal beliefs. Some might think the term "serve" is reserved for sexual activities� some might think for helpmate. The terms are fluid, as are the actions associated with them. Here, I choose to use them in a sexual, sensual manner.

Now I know that I just lost a good portion of my audience in the thought that I am not "really submissive" because to me, submission is most strongly evident in sensual and sexual situations; that Power exchange [to me] is most often displayed in areas that are likely to impact sexuality.

Is sex, or more specifically orgasm, required for submission and/or dominance? Of course not, but goodness, if it doesn't feel good, why do it? Having a dominant ~a thoughtful gaze~ or actually, having anyone control my every thought and action with no mutual benefit is manipulation, not dominance.

So many submissives I speak with seem to be under the impression that they aren't "real" submissives unless they only think of the pleasure of their dominant only. Erm� why? Of course, the first thought SHOULD be of one's dominant� the desire to please them becomes almost� frantic. But it is certainly not the only reason one serves. And to be honest, if I am not as foremost in His mind as He is in mine, then there is no reason to do this.

Submission is hard work. There is a very fine line here that is so very easy to step over. The line of becoming someone else by trying to mold to perceptions and expectations of what the One wants to see� rather than who you truly are, inside. Don't forget. The Dominant drew to you and wants to help you become the best that you can be. If they wanted someone else, they would not have drawn to you in the first place. You ARE good enough. You ARE strong enough, pretty enough, smart enough, witty enough.... you are.

The danger within.

So how does one tread that thin line without falling into the abyss on either side? On one side yawns the wide chasm of living in a fantasy world, and the other, can be a lonely place where the real you is locked beneath layer after layer of protective skin - never letting anyone in deeply enough to see the real person beneath. A dominant's challenge is to reach that inner person and help bring her/him to the surface and allow the kernel to grow strong. It's not an easy task to reach one who is deliberately trying to hide.

I wish I could tell you how a Dominant does this, but to be honest - I don't know. I think it is like everything else in life. What works for one may not work for another, and it is up to those involved to find that balance that keeps the sharp edge in place without cutting someone to shreds.

I do know that communication is key to just about everything in D/s or in the vanilla world. But to be perfectly honest, I think it is FAR more necessary in D/s than any other relationship dynamic. We are talking about the exchange of power here. One willingly surrenders their own personal power to another, and the potential for disaster is great; but at the same time, the potential for extraordinarily fulfilling and beautiful growth is more likely here than anywhere else. The risks high, but the rewards can be indescribable.

Look before you leap.

Here comes the hard part. Because D/s is so emotionally charged, there is the urge to go too deep too soon. As a submissive, when I find One who is� erm� strong enough to actually Dominate me, then I simply need� to submit. It is not dissimilar to a knee-jerk reaction to a doctor with his little reflex hammer (MmMmmm� a new toy perhaps?). Hit me the right way, and I jerk. Hit me the wrong way, and I'm likely to take off someone's head. ~sweet smile curving rubied lips� eyes dancing softly~

So it becomes imperative to understand some basic truths about yourself. You see, a submissive has certain traits that are not uncommon to most. Now, I am not stereotyping here, I'm simply stating that there ARE some things that are common. And while we would all like to think we are "unique" and are for the vast majority of aspects, there are some things that a Dominant is "used" to knowing� a preset bank of buttons if you will.

I've come to the conclusion that there are basically only a few different "types" of submissives (along with corresponding Dominants), and most will have crossovers from one type to another. Dominants also know this, and it is pretty easy to know which triggers to hit to elicit a specific reaction from a submissive if it is hit "just right." So what does that mean? That like as not, that "wonderful Dominant" who "sees me more clearly than anyone I've ever known," is one who is smart, and able to read triggers. What will happen, is that they will hit a button and sit back to see what happens. Most of the time, the Dom/me will have a pretty good understanding of the personality traits of a particular submissive and the known buttons that work with that type. If they hit the "right button" the "right way" then it is pretty much a cakewalk after that, and the submissive is reacting out of the emotions of having their needs met in such a spectacular way.

Don't get me wrong, a Dominant is SUPPOSED to see what triggers to pull and which buttons to push to get the desired results, but also be aware� there are those Dom/mes out there who make an art of deception and use these types of tools for less than honorable intentions. These are the Predators, and care needs be taken to understand how to spot them.

What I am hoping to do in this article is shed some light on some of the dynamics of submission and in reflection, on dominance as well. I suppose I'm trying to urge submissives to look a bit deeper before jumping into a relationship. To learn about themselves before trying to give themselves to One is necessary, otherwise a new relationship may not stand the additional strain of starting at ground zero.

So with that said, I've come up with my own list of "submissive types." Keep in mind, these are my own interpretations based on my experiences and I am sure that many will not agree with me, but� here is how I see it. ~lips twitching lightly as golden hued pools of greenish blue sparkle~

Submissive "Types":

One thing to keep in mind is that people are mercurial, and depending on where they are in their lives and relationships, there might be several "types" all rising in direct opposition of each other. Even the strongest submissive can feel excessively needy if her/his needs and emotions are not being properly fed. This creates an especially challenging barrier for the Dominant to work past. One thing that is also necessary to remember is that even while one might appear to be one way, under a carefully donned mask, there could be someone entirely different.

Och, I've gone a lot further in this than I intended, but once I get on a roll, it's hard to shut me off. ~a soft flush of heated blood rising to paint her cheeks~

The bottom line is to be aware. Don't rush into any new relationship. Learn about who you are, and who that Dominant is who rocks your world before allowing yourself to tumble headfirst. The tumble can be very exciting IF there is someone there to catch you, but deadly if you've made a mistake, and only a dream stands with open arms.

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