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Southern Baptist Submission

Author: Author Unknown

Filed in: humor, religion


In support of the recent Southern Baptist edict that women should "submit to their husbands," we have acquired an inventory of beginning B&D supplies for the Baptist couple eager to explore the righteous ways of wife domination:

1) Starter kit: leather masks with zippers and cat 'o nine tails. The masks are clearly emblazoned with Christian Fish symbols on the forehead area.

2) Nipple Clamps of the Holy Trinity: Three brass nipple clamps held together with golden chains of appropriate length, allowing the masterful husband many options in attaching the third "Holy Spirit" clamp.

3) Mary Magdalene's Leather Pants: This "cheekless" design allows full access to spanking surfaces when the wife is in her proper penitent, kneeling position.

4) Wrath of God: a 12-foot bullwhip of black cowhide on a Communion chalice handle for putting the fear of God into wives who have strayed (e.g. thinking for themselves or having an opinion with no regard for the damage this causes the family).

5) The Rack of St. Stephen: Sturdy construction with heavy, fur-lined wrist and ankle restraints. Can be spun upside down for the St. Paul variant.

6) The Archangel: Large punishment phallus of sufficient diameter and length to make any wayward wife admit her heretical ways and beg forgiveness.

7) The Judas Wand: A handsome vibrator that works well for five minutes then shuts down automatically, leaving the wife more dependent than ever on her Master.

8) Riding Crop of the Pharacies: Teach your wife the ways of the Lord with this sturdy handcrafted riding crop.

9) Anointment: a thick, non-toxic balm scented with myrrh and frankincense. Perfect for easing the pain of heavily welted skin or allowing the Master easier penetration when teaching a lesson regarding the ways of Sodom.

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