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How to be a Really Obnoxious Dominant

Author: Author Unknown

Filed in: humor

~ Insist that all Bondage play be done only with Silly string.

~ For gagging, use Giant Supersourball Bubble gum, found in Grocery vending machines.

~ When your sub starts turning blue from too-tight bounds, tell them how it brings out the color of their eyes ...

~ Make them embroider "This Ass Owned and operated by Mistress/Master (insert name here) on all of their work clothes.

~ Flog your submissive... just before they reach sub-space, sing all verses and Choruses of "Tie me Kangaroo down sport" while circling them with the silly-string can on full blast...

~ Asked to be served watermelon, at a play party...bend them over, naked of course, and have a seed spitting contest with all the Dominants aiming for the sub's anus.

~ For wax-play, paint your sub entirely black, then drip a colorful pattern on them with your brand new box of 96 vibrant colored crayolas, scratch the colors off with a toothpick, revealing an interesting design underneath...

~ When they call their safeword, make them say "pretty please"... then "pretty please with sugar on top"...before you stop.

~ Have a new favorite flogger made of gummiworms.

~ Superglue the nipple clamps ON.

~ Send your sub to the Dairy Queen for 2 quarts of Milkshakes, when they return, have the enema bag hanging in full view.

~ Sit upright for a backrub, keep saying "a little to the left" until they get dizzy from going around you.

~ Wear rainbow socks with toes in them with your 5" stilettos for that foot fetishist submissive.

~ Replace the St. Andrew's Cross in the dungeon with a life size replica of "Barney the purple Dinosaur" that sings, "I love you, you love me..." attach metal cuffs to the arms and legs of sub and Barney, go watch a video of Gone With The Wind.

~ Take your sub to K-mart...lose them and have them called over the intercom: "Will the redassed-sissyboy/sub-gal (insert favorite humiliating term) meet your Master/Goddess at the customer service desk"

~ Give all directives and commands in a Donald Duck voice.

~ When tired of the Donald Duck voice, use pig-latin.

~ When you sub begs to cum, look perplexed and say, " are already here"

~ Insist that you are a born natural with a bull whip.

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