How to be a Really Obnoxious Dominant
Author: Author Unknown
Filed in: humor
~ Insist that all Bondage play be done only with Silly string.~ For gagging, use Giant Supersourball Bubble gum, found in Grocery vending machines.
~ When your sub starts turning blue from too-tight bounds, tell them how it brings out the color of their eyes ...
~ Make them embroider "This Ass Owned and operated by Mistress/Master (insert name here) on all of their work clothes.
~ Flog your submissive... just before they reach sub-space, sing all verses and Choruses of "Tie me Kangaroo down sport" while circling them with the silly-string can on full blast...
~ Asked to be served watermelon, at a play party...bend them over, naked of course, and have a seed spitting contest with all the Dominants aiming for the sub's anus.
~ For wax-play, paint your sub entirely black, then drip a colorful pattern on them with your brand new box of 96 vibrant colored crayolas, scratch the colors off with a toothpick, revealing an interesting design underneath...
~ When they call their safeword, make them say "pretty please"... then "pretty please with sugar on top"...before you stop.
~ Have a new favorite flogger made of gummiworms.
~ Superglue the nipple clamps ON.
~ Send your sub to the Dairy Queen for 2 quarts of Milkshakes, when they return, have the enema bag hanging in full view.
~ Sit upright for a backrub, keep saying "a little to the left" until they get dizzy from going around you.
~ Wear rainbow socks with toes in them with your 5" stilettos for that foot fetishist submissive.
~ Replace the St. Andrew's Cross in the dungeon with a life size replica of "Barney the purple Dinosaur" that sings, "I love you, you love me..." attach metal cuffs to the arms and legs of sub and Barney, go watch a video of Gone With The Wind.
~ Take your sub to K-mart...lose them and have them called over the intercom: "Will the redassed-sissyboy/sub-gal (insert favorite humiliating term) meet your Master/Goddess at the customer service desk"
~ Give all directives and commands in a Donald Duck voice.
~ When tired of the Donald Duck voice, use pig-latin.
~ When you sub begs to cum, look perplexed and say, "silly...you are already here"
~ Insist that you are a born natural with a bull whip.
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