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Lessons Learned

Author: kaya

Filed in: humor, lessons, quips

As anyone who reads my journal could tell you, I am far from the "perfect" slave. I slip and fumble, make mistakes, make the same one again... and again... routinely. But, tirelessly, my Master, saint that He is, never gives up on me. And over the course of time I have learned a thing or two. I thought I would share them with you... :)

1."Stop It Motherfucker!" is not a safe word. (Yes, I know it should be)

2. Scraping your teeth won't get you out of a blow job. (I was just as shocked as you!)

3. "Get it yourself" doesn't earn you any brownie points. (hey, it was worth a try)

4. "That didn't hurt", "I dare You", "You can't!" (Do I need to explain those?)

5. "Your aim sucks" will get you target practice. (with YOU as the target.)

6. Encouraging the dog to attack! when Master starts whapping you is just generally not a good idea.

7. Purposely skipping numbers during the spanking count "16, Sir".... "17, Sir"... "22, Sir" only gets you back to number one... (funny as fucking hell when they dont catch it though)

8. Which brings up... try to avoid getting the giggles when He's lecturing/spanking you.. they HATE that.

9. You really shouldn't laugh when they trip over the very rope they are trying to tie you up with either.

10. If Master says He doesn't want your finger up His ass while you suck Him... dont try to slip it in anyway.. He *really* doesn't want it in there! (I know! Go figure!)

11. You really can't scoot away from the pain of clover clamps. (or alligator clamps! Yowsers!)

12. Proving that you can pick open the cage door when you are tied up is not as impressive as you think it should be. (even when it's with your toes!)

13. Humming the "Jeopardy" theme, tapping your toes, sighing, or checking your watch while Master fiddles with a knot doesn't please Him so much.

14. Never.. ever.. under any circumstances... bend over at the waist to pick something up off the floor in front of Him. Never. (always crouch girls... bend at the KNEES)

15. Ditto that for walking up the stairs in front of Him. (its a little like dangling a pork chop bone in front of a starving dog)

16. And when He does pinch or slap your ass when you walk by or bend over... dont slap at His hand, give Him a dirty look or mumble "that hurt asshole"... or any variation similar to those. (They can be so touchy!)

17. Trying to claim that you were telling Him He was 'number one in your eyes' when you just got caught flipping Him the bird usually doesn't fly. (get it? bird? fly? hahaha)

18. Don't keep blowing out the candle. They see no humor in that.

19. When He is down on His knees adjusting your ankle cuffs, don't mention that He looks mighty fine like that and would make a sexy little bitch boy. (It's really almost worth the expression on His face though.)

20. When He asks "did that hurt, slut?" after a particularly hard swing do NOT say "'s yer sign!"

Now please.. share your lessons learned! On your blog or in the comments here... we all need support!

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